Day 17: The semi-sparkling water fiasco
I have been thirsty for 24 hours
I might have to leave the house tomorrow.
Allow me to explain why.
It takes one bad decision in the grocery store, a simple rookie mistake, to destroy a long, successful streak of self-isolation, and to ruin life at home for days. A mistake can change both the past and the future. In this particular case, the mistake was picking up the wrong six-pack of bottles, meaning the only thing we now have to drink (apart from our ever-growing alcohol collection), is semi-sparkling water.
What is semi-sparkling water, I hear you ask. Semi-sparkling water is sparkling water with an identity crisis, that has been branded as ‘Acqua Minerale Naturale’. Even for the non-Italian speakers amongst us, the above words, combined with the absence of the word ‘frizzante’, are terribly misleading. It takes one short pour in a glass to hear the fizzy sound, and notice the tiny bubbles that are rising to the surface.
And so here we are, stuck in self-isolation with water that makes you eternally thirsty.
Though some of you may disagree, sparkling water and thirst-quenching do not go together, in a much similar fashion to Trump or Bojo and leadership. The premise (or promise) is there, it just feels terribly wrong. I still remember this one night in Berlin. After a generous amount of hours spent clubbing, followed by eating a burger with three different types of cheese, I woke up in the middle of the night in desperation and dehydration, repeatedly shaking and opening the only bottle of water we had in our Airbnb (sparkling, also bought accidentally) to get rid of the gas. I failed. A few days later, of course, I discovered that tap water in Berlin is perfectly fine to drink.
I shouldn’t have had prosecco last night.
I am slowly dehydrating myself to death.
Buy the right water people.
Otherwise, we are good, the number of cases in Italy is declining, and I’ve just about figured out how to use the Houseparty app without surprise-dialling or abruptly hanging up on people.
And for those of you being stuck at home alone, wondering what to do with your lives, remember it could be worse. You could always be accidentally watching sex scenes with your parents (18).
Lunch: Spaghetti with spicy tomato sauce and basil (dedicated to my friend who noticed I’m not having enough carbs)
Song of the day: Kool & The Gang - Celebration