Day 49: There are no beaches in Lombardy
Phase 2 is just Phase 1's less ugly cousin
Day 49 marked the end of week 7 in lockdown. What an adventure it’s been. We squashed sombreros. We wore our best half-outfits. We discovered functioning alcoholism, but did not drink any bleach.
And the best part is that this is not the end. The Phase 2 plans for Italy have (sort of) been announced. Phase 2 will have many sub-phases. First, we will be able to go out with slightly more freedom. For example, people can return to their favourite new hobby, jogging, although it’s not clear whether they should keep a mask on. We will most definitely continue working from home. We will also be able to visit relatives nearby. As they say, friends are the family you choose for yourself, so I predict all of Italy will soon discover that it’s related. Or maybe the virus will stop being such a threat to everyone’s parents from May onwards. Conspiracy theorists, are you listening?
Shops and cultural spaces will open on May 18th. Restaurants and bars won’t open again before June. My heart broke.
The more you look at it, the more you begin to realise that Phase 1 and Phase 2 are actually not that different. Essentially it’s like you’ve been told you got a promotion, with exactly the same salary, responsibilities, and job title.
The best part was that Conte allegedly said, “Before phase three, we need to wait for a vaccination, and for new contagions to reach zero." I really hope this was lost in translation. Phase 2 does not permit travel between regions. Lombardy has zero beaches. I left the UK for Italy so I wouldn’t have to get on a plane to go to the beach. 2021, I’m going to get naked and take a shower, where are you.
At night we watched Hotel Mumbai, and felt better about ourselves.
Lunch: Spaghetti with lobster, as a homage to Mykonos and Lindsay Lohan. In Italian supermarkets, you may not find decent peanut butter, but you shall find frozen lobster.
Song of the day: Rolling Stones - Tumbling Dice