Is anyone still counting the days?

Phase 2 is here, and everyone showed up to the party

After a month-long hiatus that could have very well been a year, I thought I should check in on everyone, mostly to satisfy your curiosity regarding my wellbeing. How did I die? Was I hit by a Glovo delivery person carrying an accidentally deconstructed pizza while I was crossing the road to go to the supermarket? Did I choke while sipping on a glass of natural wine? Was I murdered by my grumpy neighbour? Did my balcony finally collapse while I walked on it to catch ten seconds of sunshine?

To everyone’s disappointment, especially my neighbour’s, none of the above happened and, no, I did not even catch Corona, so here I am, for Season 2 of Letters from Quarantine.

When did Phase 2 start? I’m not sure; probably around the same time our porter, Signora Pina, started getting on my nerves again. Mostly by not acknowledging my presence every time I enter or leave the building. I think this was because I caught her in a moment of weakness a couple of weeks ago, when I was walking down the stairs and saw her in her little glass room going through photos of some children that she is hopefully related to. As soon as she noticed me, she immediately closed the album and just looked at me disapprovingly. I said ‘Ciao’. She said nothing. Maybe I did get hit by a Glovo guy after all.

I think Phase 2 officially began last weekend, when I went for a walk around the neighbourhood and it seemed like that was the perfect time for burglars to break into people’s houses, because there was zero chance anyone was going to be in. Walking down our street was like gatecrashing a little parade. It was where social distancing went to die.

Last night, we went for a walk around the Navigli, admiring all the people wearing their masks with their noses out, which is like standing in a cool breeze and wearing a padded bra with your nipples showing. Despite that, some positives emerged, and they weren't the results of PCR tests. The best thing that came out of this pandemic was that Italians finally learned how to queue. And everyone takes your temperature before you walk into their establishment, which I find strangely comforting, because suddenly, wherever you go, there is someone who really wants to make sure you’re ok.

Following a short drink by the canals, we walked past the restaurant near our house, and to our delight it was open. After a brief discussion marked by sensations of bewilderment that resembled the moments before you decide to get a really bad tattoo, we opted to dine out for the first time in three months. It was glorious. We got a table outside, the sky was on fire, and the service was horrendous. The waitress had a handwritten menu with the limited options they had available given the new circumstances. She started reading it out to us but then got tired and put it on our table, after touching it with her ungloved hands (Grammarly just autocorrected ‘ungloved’ to ‘unloved’, which could have also been true). The sommelier then came with most of his shirt buttons undone, taking our wine order and then returning fifteen minutes later to ask us if we had ordered food. It was all falling apart, but at least he had his priorities straight.

One of the highlights of the past weeks was a massive night thunderstorm, which was Milan’s way of welcoming us to the summer months. After leaving the UK to move to a sunnier country - where I was tricked into thinking the seasons are normal - it took one summer to bring me to the cruel realisation that Milan is the Miami of Europe: unbearable humidity, people dressed in tacky beachwear, and thunderstorms. Plenty of thunderstorms. Usually starting on Friday and ending on Monday.

My major concern while the sky was flashing like a strobe light and the streets began to turn into little rivers was: will my balcony make it? You will all be happy to hear that it is still going strong, and given the strain it has gone under during the last trimester (my weight), it will probably outlive all of us. Having said that, so far the weather has been incredible, and even the thunderstorm was a one-off freak incident, although I have a weekend in Como coming up, so I’m expecting it to come and find me there.